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Victoria Bourque - mental health coach| Glossop - Derbyshire

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Why do you see threats, dangers and worries everywhere you look? » IMG_6152

Emergency alarm

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An red emergency alarm is sounding

2018-10-02

Contact me

Thrive with Victoria Bourque
c/o Glossop Osteopathy Clinic
23 Fauvel Road
High Peak
Derbyshire SK13 7AR
United Kingdom

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Anxiety, Stress & Depression Consultant using The Thrive Programme

“We cannot predict with any kind of certainty wh

“We cannot predict with any kind of certainty what the future holds. The situation we are currently in is unknowable and largely beyond our control. However, we don’t need to control the event – we just need to control our response to the event. In other words, we need to feel able to cope.”

Head to the link in my bio to read the full blog of how to cope through uncertainty, written by my colleague James Woodworth.

Can you spot and challenge any of the following un

Can you spot and challenge any of the following unhelpful thinking styles?

😒 Negative - find faults in everything, looks for things that could go wrong, always thinks about the downside to things

😰 Worrying - mind always overactive, over analysing everything, thinking about these areas / situation’s & what could go wrong

🤔 Paranoid - possibly believing other people are talking about you, trying to manipulate you in some way or reject you. Worry about how you appear

😐 Black & White - known as ‘all or nothing’ thinking - reacting to experiences in an extreme way, one way or the other e.g. “I’m never drinking again”, “that was the nicest food I’ve ever eaten” “I cannot cope”

😲 Catastrophic - emotional blowing things out of proportion, exaggerating and dramatising the thought / experience / threat e.g “that food was absolutely horrific” “my leg was about to fall off it was that sore” “I found a spot on my leg, maybe I’ve got cancer”

😪 Learned helplessness - believing they have little control over their lives - thinking & feeling in a helpless way, even though they do have the power & control

😬 Impulsive - wanting to feel good right now. Wanting to complete an action or behaviour in order to achieve this feeling, even when you know you probably shouldn’t e.g buying clothes, smoking, cheating, over eating

😨 Perfectionism - high social anxiety, sets high standards, strongly dislike the idea of failing, low self esteem

😳 Hypervigilance - very observant within their own body and the world around them. More likely to pick up negative vibes from people around them and overanalyse them. Also, do this with any ache and pain within themselves

These unhelpful ways of thinking are developed and learned. They can cause havoc and can accelerate an individual’s symptoms.

If you have developed some unhelpful ways of thinking and you would like to change that, get in touch and arrange a free consultation online.

Are you someone who habitually acts without thinki

Are you someone who habitually acts without thinking?

Are you someone who tends to want to feel good RIGHT NOW?

When you feel upset, disappointed, vulnerable or angry do you feel that you need outside help with your emotions in the form of chocolate, shopping, alcohol or cigarettes etc, etc....?

❓Why do I act Impulsively?

Impulsive thinking is always about changing your emotions: wanting to feel better or happy, right here, right now. This want or need will drive the person to perform a particular behaviour in order to fulfil this desire.

Their focus is on feeling better right now instead of what is the best way to act, long term.

Impulsive thinkers tend to be black and white which even further obstructs their decision making because they see things in an all or nothing way.

🧐 Do I really need this donut or is this more about wanting to distract myself from feeling uncomfortable emotions?

🧐 Can I afford to spend this money?

🧐 Will smoking this cigarette/drinking the wine help me feel better, long term?

Asking yourself these questions before acting impulsively will help you gain a little perspective on your situation. Therefore, you are much more likely to make the helpful decision than making an impulsive one and regretting it later!

Also, learning helpful ways to process and manage your emotions means that you won’t look to external things (eg shopping/drinking/smoking/gambling etc) to distract you from your uncomfortable emotions.

Are you an impulsive thinker?

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Many people feel almost permanently on-edge, worri

Many people feel almost permanently on-edge, worried, anxious and stressed. They are over-alert/hypervigilant to potential threats or dangers...

🙁 ”Why hasn’t my friend messaged me back? Is it because she doesn’t really like me?”

😳 ”Does this tummy ache mean I’m going to be sick? I can’t cope if I’m sick”

😱 ”What was that noise? I won’t be able to get back to sleep now”

🤯 “This headache must be the sign of a terminal illness”

Etc, etc .... This is the result of constant worrying along with unhelpful thinking such as catastrophic, negative, paranoid thinking. It leads to living almost all the time in a stressed state.

Constantly worrying wears us down and leads to feeling overwhelmed 😟

We often worry about the small stuff that we can actually manage leading to these worries building up and feeling huge great catastrophes in waiting 🤯

One really simple way to do this that you could start today is to make sure to prioritise some time every day to relax, switch off and do something you enjoy. When you do that, you let your body know that you’re not in immediate, imminent danger, helping you to create calm rather than panic.

Even if it is just for a few minutes, it will make a difference 😌

Even better, put it in your diary/on the calendar to make sure you prioritise it in the same way as you would an appointment or a meeting.

Also learning not to sweat the small stuff and to nip worries in the bud helps us keep perspective and reduces our stress levels.

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If you are habitually thinking things like....

💭There’s no way I’ll enjoy my weekend now!
💭 I’m useless in the cold
💭 I'll probably hit traffic anyway, it's Friday...
💭 It's bound to last all weekend knowing my luck

.... then it sounds like you are in the habit of thinking in the negative thinking style.

(Most people can have negative thoughts from time to time - this isn’t what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about when a person’s entire outlook on life is negative.)

➖ Negative thinking gets in the way of being happy and enjoying life
➖ It is often linked to avoiding things - if you think something won’t work/will be boring/won’t be enjoyable, you are not likely to do it.
➖ It is often linked with social anxiety - if you think negatively about social situations, you are much more likely to feel anxious about them and avoid them
➖ It can detrimentally affect how people recover from difficulties and challenges
➖ It is often about protection from disappointment, failing and/or rejection
➖ It can be about believing you don’t deserve to have a good life

If you recognise yourself here and you want to change then start to notice when you are thinking negatively and ACTIVELY CHOOSE to think more positively/helpfully. This doesn’t mean pretending that everything in life is positive. But it does mean making sure that the way you are thinking about things isn’t making a difficult experience harder than it needs to be by thinking very negatively about it.

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Or king 👑 - this post goes out to everyone who

Or king 👑 - this post goes out to everyone who indulges in a bit of drama…

So, as the picture in this post suggests, we’re talking about making a mountain out of a molehill.

Hands up if that’s you!

🔍 It involves magnifying a perceived threat or worry so that it seems bigger and more dramatic than it really is. It is therefore pretty straightforward to see how catastrophic thinking is linked to depression, anxiety and stress (and not a lot of people know that).

Catastrophic thoughts about Christmas and the New Year would include:

💭 2021 will be a complete disaster
💭 I look hideous in this outfit
💭 My house is so messy, it’s total chaos
💭 I’ve completely blown my diet filling my face with those chocolates

Etc, etc.

Although it is damaging to think in such an over-dramatic way, it is fairly easy to change with a little effort and practice.

At home, this week, why not start to be more aware of the words you are using and whenever you notice that you are using catastrophic language, amend it and use something more appropriate. Do this consistently and you will find you will create much calmer experience for yourself 😌

#TheThriveProgramme
#TheThriveProgrammeAdvent
#12daysofTheThriveProgramme
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#LoveYourLife
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#BeNiceToYourself

This is all about the brooding thinking style whic

This is all about the brooding thinking style which is characterised by frequent worrying, over-thinking and ruminating 🤯

You probably already know if you have this thinking style as you will habitually be thinking “What if....?” 💭 Imagining the worst case scenario over and over in intricate detail 💭 Analysing every single option before making a decision, sound familiar?

You may also (but not always) be quite rigid and methodical: feeling anxious without a strict routine.

➕ If you are looking for solutions, sometimes spending time thinking about a situation can be very helpful leading to creativity, new ideas and problem-solving ➕

➖ However! Spending time looking at potential problems makes them seem BIGGER and MORE unsolvable ➖

Brooding is about control: it feels helpful but it isn’t. It gives us the illusion that we are dealing with a situation when all we are doing is focusing all our attention on our problems, creating anxiety and stress 😫 🤔 We tend to brood and worry when we feel POWERLESS.

If you work on building the belief that you can influence much of your life, you will start to feel more powerful and less likely to worry about things.

Plus, have you noticed that when you are busy at work or school or with friends you don’t tend to worry? When you find yourself over-thinking, fully and actively engage with something else.

If you'd like to chat more about how to overcome issues and symptoms and learn how to Thrive, get in touch for a free consultation and don't overthink it 🧐

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A #thrivingchristmas tip 🧠🎄 Our issues and

A #thrivingchristmas tip 🧠🎄

Our issues and difficulties can feel overwhelming sometimes but there are few instances when it's not our thinking either creating them or making them seem harder and more unsolvable.

Some people have the skills to react to the pressures of life in helpful and adaptive ways, managing their thinking and emotions well and tolerating difficult or stressful circumstances.

Other people have never been taught these critical skills and instead feel helpless and powerless, leading them to become unhappy and frustrated, believing they have no control over their lives.

Really understanding that when it comes to our thinking skills, it is so important that we develop them to be as strong, flexible and adaptable as possible to enable us to live the best possible life regardless of our circumstances.

Whilst we may face difficult circumstances that may be outside our control, by developing our thinking skills and being more flexible in our attitude we do have the power to choose how we think, feel and react to these circumstances. And that can make all the difference.

For more information please private message me 🧡

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"The thought that's in your mind right now, is it

"The thought that's in your mind right now, is it helpful?"

Are you aware of the importance of your thinking? Each thought we have matters.

Some of our thoughts are helpful.

Some thoughts raise our self esteem, increase our sense of power and control and build our confidence around others. They can calm us down, help us see the bright side, motivate us to take action, reinforce our self worth.

Some thoughts are unhelpful.

They lower our confidence, make us feel powerless, make us overreact in social situations. They can wind us up, make us feel overwhelmed, negative and worried. They can cause us to feel anxious, depressed and demotivate us from trying.

We're all capable of having helpful and unhelpful thinking. And we get into 'thinking habits' or patterns. The effect of our thoughts is predictable: The more helpful our thoughts and thinking in general, the better, more motivated, and more thriving we feel.

It's easy to spot the big negative thoughts we have, especially if we are in the habit of managing our thinking helpfully. You can shout 'Oi get lost!'. It's harder to spot the negatives though if all our thinking is a bit grey and sludgy.

There's already a programme that teaches how to manage our thinking effectively, to reduce the unhelpful thinking so more of our thinking is aimed at us feeling good, thriving and in control. For anyone not aware of The Thrive Programme, please message me for more information.

#TheThriveProgramme
#12daysofTheThriveProgramme
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#LoveYourLife

Just leaving this here as a reminder to you as the

Just leaving this here as a reminder to you as the week comes to an end 🧡

Wherever you are and whatever you are doing this weekend, take a moment to reflect on your progress (however big or small) and how well you are doing 🧡

Perfectionism is not about high standards: it is a

Perfectionism is not about high standards: it is about UNREALISTICALLY high standards where anything other than absolute perfection is seen as a failure.

🔍 It is about always noticing mistakes and perceived flaws.

⚫️⚪️ It is about thinking in a black and white/ all or nothing way about success and failure.

😠 It is about giving yourself a hard time and beating yourself up for inevitably not meeting the impossibly high standards you constantly set for yourself.

😑 It is about not seeing or processing your achievements.

😬 It is often linked to social anxiety: because perfectionists are so judgemental of themselves, they assume others will be equally judgemental of them.

If you recognise yourself here- that is the first step! Acknowledge (kindly! ❤️) that you are in the unhelpful habit of thinking this way.

The next steps are to:

✅ Actively amend that perfectionist thinking into something more helpful and realistic.

✅ Be kind and supportive to yourself.

✅ Step back and see the bigger picture.

Do this consistently and you will relax and enjoy your life so much more 😌

It often feels like our emotions happen TO us 🤯

It often feels like our emotions happen TO us 🤯😳😩😂😃😢

This can make emotion management seem really hard, if not impossible, because if we believe that emotions just happen to us, out of the blue, it follows that we believe there’s not much we can do to influence them.

We end up feeling powerless, as if our emotions are in control.

What actually happens is that the thoughts we think create the emotions we experience.

This means that we can very much learn to influence and manage our emotions by actively changing our thoughts.

Helpful thoughts create helpful emotions.

This is a life- changing skill which can be learnt.

If you would like to learn more, please send me a message.

When David started working with me he had been str

When David started working with me he had been struggling for some time with depression and habitual worrying.

He was also perfectionist and was incredibly hard on himself.

It was a real pleasure to work with such a lovely, committed client and I thank David for sharing his review:

“I consulted Victoria because I was becoming increasingly depressed and I didn’t understand why. Most days I would wake up with only negative thoughts and allow myself to wallow in them.

On a really bad day I would just sit in a chair for a few hours and stare at nothing whilst allowing myself to ponder dark thoughts. I told my wife that I wanted to do something about it as it was getting slowly but steadily worse and she helped me to find the course.

Since going through the course I have noticed a number of positive changes. The most significant is that my early morning depression has gone. I wake up and have normal thoughts. I still get a bit perfectionist, but I usually spot it happening and snap myself out of it. It has resulted in me getting more things done and allowed me to make decisions more quickly.

I’m generally much happier and feel appreciative of how fortunate I am to have things that I previously took for granted. I’m generally very aware of my thoughts now and I have the skills to analyse them and change them.

I had no idea how much I stressed and obsessed about things that I could do nothing about. I always assumed and planned for worst case scenarios which never happened, but every time I would tell myself that this time will be different and it will go wrong. Now it is so easy to spot if I start to do it and I use the techniques I have learned to stop it. I’ve noticed that it rarely happens to me now.

I was really surprised by how easily my negative waking up thoughts stopped.

Working with Victoria was amazing. It helped set the right pace for me and I always looked forward to the meetings. Victoria and I would discuss real examples which were relevant so they helped me with my learning.”

If David’s review resonates with you or sounds like someone you care about, please feel free to direct message me.

Ann sums up really well why The Thrive Programme®

Ann sums up really well why The Thrive Programme®️ is so affective:

🌟 it doesn’t only focus on your symptoms (for example depression, anxiety or a phobia)

🌟 it also focuses on creating the best mental health you possibly can have in all areas of your life.

That’s what makes it so effective long-term.

It goes beyond having techniques to deal with your symptoms.

It gives you the insights, tools, skills and resources to be psychologically and mentally healthy.

For more information please feel free to message me or visit victoriabourque.uk.

Ever had those moments where you’ve been worryin

Ever had those moments where you’ve been worrying and rehearsing over and over in your mind something that hasn’t even happened yet?
.

You have the whole worst case scenario planned out before you have even got out off bed 🤯
.

It’s exhausting 😞
.

And then do those worries build up and make you feel anxious, then you feel anxious about feeling anxious?
.

If so, you’re not alone and the great news is you can learn to overcome this habit 😃
.

The Thrive Programme teaches everyone and anyone who is having a tough time to manage those anxious thoughts and feelings.
.

It is a step-by-step guide to building a skill-set that will make you more robust, resilient and confident…so that you feel powerful and more in control of your life.
.

Please feel free to direct message me to book a free initial consultation.

Ever had those moments where you’ve been worryin

Ever had those moments where you’ve been worrying and rehearsing over and over in your mind something that hasn’t even happened yet?

You have the whole worst case scenario planned out before you have even got out off bed 🤯

It’s exhausting 😞

And then do those worries build up and make you feel anxious, then you feel anxious about feeling anxious?

If so, you’re not alone and the great news is you can learn to overcome this habit 😃

The Thrive Programme teaches everyone and anyone who is having a tough time to manage those anxious thoughts and feelings.

It is a step-by-step guide to building a skill-set that will make you more robust, resilient and confident…so that you feel powerful and more in control of your life.

Please feel free to direct message me to book a free initial consultation.

Mental health is for everyone. It is our thoughts,

Mental health is for everyone. It is our thoughts, our choices, our behaviours, our actions, our attitude, our mindset, our emotions. .
It shapes everything in our lives. It is not right that none of us are taught how to use it fully.
.
Today is World Mental Health Day.
.
Our message is simple.
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It is not enough to just be ok.
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It is not enough to just spread awareness and validate people’s suffering.
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It is not enough to allow people to continue to struggle with symptoms of poor mental health.
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It is not enough to go through life not knowing how to make the most of each and every moment.
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It is not enough, when truly anyone has the opportunity to learn to thrive.
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To feel powerful and in control in any situation.
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To be happy, calm and grateful to be alive each morning
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To feel equipped and able to cope with life’s hurdles
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To live life at its very best, knowing you are firmly in the driving seat and can achieve anything you set your mind to.
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To take control, is to have power.
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The Thrive Programme is a 6 week training course. We have helped tens of thousands of people around the world to take control of their mental health and learn the skills to thrive.
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Don’t settle for anything less- you have one shot at life.
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DM me to take control and make your life the best it can be.

Feelings are not facts. . Thoughts aren't facts e

Feelings are not facts.
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Thoughts aren't facts either.
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A thought isn't real – it's just a thought, a word inside your head. The problem is, we have a tendency to believe our thoughts and feelings, we focus on them and take them very seriously.
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So how we do challenge both your thoughts and feelings, i.e. 'Why am I feeling this is strongly?' Well, we need to get perspective on a situation which can be tricky to do if you are following your feelings i.e. 'It must be scary because I'm scared.'
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So this is where a skill set is needed, a healthy set of coping skills so you are able to recognise all of this, so that you are able to challenge your thoughts and beliefs about a situation.
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We need to be able to tolerate the uncomfortable thoughts and feelings we have while you're doing that - tolerate what you are feeling as you calm yourself down.
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Anxiety is just an uncomfortable feeling in your body - just because you feel anxious doesn't necessarily mean you’re in danger - feelings are not facts. Tolerate the feelings as you challenge what you believe.
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It’s amazing when you look at it in a different way right?
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Please private message me for more information.
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Credit to my colleague James Woodworth for this 🌟

Are you an expert at noticing your so-called flaws

Are you an expert at noticing your so-called flaws? Do you tend to criticise your looks, personality, actions, what you say, what you do? Saying the ‘wrong thing’, doing the ‘wrong thing,’ not looking good enough, not attractive, wealthy, clever, funny enough, putting yourself down and thinking you can’t do something.
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With all the berating, how much do you actually notice all the brilliant things about you? When you zoom in on the one negative thing you said or did, you lose perspective on the reality, you can’t see the wood for the trees and you definitely don’t see yourself for who you really are.
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You are a lot more smart, funny, intelligent and deserving than you give yourself credit for.
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However much people tell you, fundamentally, the only way you’ll believe it is if you notice it for yourself. Which is why we say ‘be your own best friend.’ This means talking to yourself and treating yourself like a loving and caring best friend would, accepting all the good and not-so-good bits about you.
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This might sound difficult if you’re not used to thinking of yourself charitably, so we suggest starting off by putting pen to paper and making a list of the good things about you. Prime yourself to notice them and keep adding to the list, praising yourself for all that you do.
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There are many people who are conditioned to believe that ‘loving yourself’ is arrogant. This is a very black and white way of looking at things: if you stop berating yourself and start praising yourself you’re not suddenly going to become arrogant. In fact, arrogant people are often the most insecure - and we’re teaching you quite the opposite of that - high self-esteem and self-confidence.
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You’ll learn how to have high self-esteem and self-confidence with the programme. However low you feel right now it’s really possible to get high self-esteem and see yourself for who you really are. First things first though, be your own best friend ❤️

Emetophobia is a severe fear of vomit/vomiting and

Emetophobia is a severe fear of vomit/vomiting and it is one of the mental health issues I support people in overcoming.
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I had the absolute pleasure of working with Kate back in 2018 to help her overcome her emetophobia. Here is what she has to say about her life over a year after completing the Cure your Emetophobia and Thrive Programme:
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“Emetophobia had taken over my life entirely. It was so severe, I would have rather died than be sick.
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My world had become so small, and I was trying to destroy what was left. I was pushing and pushing my husband to leave me.

We had wanted to start a family years ago, but the thought of having a baby was completely terrifying to me. I couldn’t willingly subject myself to morning sickness, hospitals, blood tests, labour, pain relief or sick children. But what I feared more than anything, was that I would ruin their life too by passing on my emetophobia.

I had hit rock bottom, I was so tired of the relentless anxiety and panic, I had spent twenty years on high alert.

I was struggling with everything, the only thing I forced myself to do was go to work, and that had become such a battle.

I realised I had two choices, I could leave my husband, give him the chance to live a full, happy life and spend the rest of mine alone. Or I could give Thrive my everything and not stop until I was cured.
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Making that decision was the turning point. Enough really was enough, I didn’t want to spend another twenty years living in fear.

I understand just how important and influential these reviews are. Together with the videos, they are what gave me the insight, hope and help I needed to start. The realisation that you are not alone, that help is out there, that you too can thrive is extremely powerful.
I wanted to really understand emetophobia, I spent hours watching Robs videos, crying with relief and joy at the testimonials.
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I desperately wanted to cure my fears, and with the help of my amazing consultant, I did it, and life now couldn’t be more different or wonderful.

Ten months ago I became a mummy!

Before even finishing the program my emetophobia had gone and I was so excited to start our family.
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