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Victoria Bourque - mental health coach| Glossop - Derbyshire

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Why do you see threats, dangers and worries everywhere you look? » IMG_6152

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2018-10-02

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Thrive with Victoria Bourque
c/o Glossop Osteopathy Clinic
23 Fauvel Road
High Peak
Derbyshire SK13 7AR
United Kingdom

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thrivewithvictoriabourque

Anxiety, Stress & Depression Consultant using The Thrive Programme

Do you ever spend time away from your phone?? 🤳

Do you ever spend time away from your phone?? 🤳🤳🤳

Most people have their phone on them all the time. A lot of people use their phones whenever they feel anxious, awkward or uncomfortable. It feels automatic to reach for it when you’re waiting on your own, talking to a group of people you don't know or in a queue. Even holding it is a reassurance.

People with anxieties and phobias often rely on their phones when they feel anxious. It’s a helpful distraction tool when you’re in a panic attack, for example.

But it’s very important to realise something: it is not your phone that’s ‘making’ you feel calmer when you’re panicking, you feel calmer because you’re distracting yourself from your anxious thoughts. It seems insignificant but it’s actually a HUGE distinction.

Why is it so important?

Because it shifts the power away from external things, like phones, and gives us the power. The anxiety is coming from inside of us, so we have the power to change it - we don’t NEED to use our phones, we need to just build up our own sense of power and control - which is what The Thrive Programme enables you to do.

A client used to play candy crush anytime they felt a panic attack coming on. They were so convinced they needed to play it that they believed they absolutely could not cope if they didn’t have their phone on them when they were anxious, so they had it constantly in their hand. But this has shifted so much they don’t get panic attacks anymore and they now realise they don’t ‘need’ their phone.

How can you start doing this? Try not to always have your phone near you. When you have it, notice whenever you use it as an external crutch. Instead of automatically reaching for it, train yourself to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and feelings of discomfort. You'll feel a burning to get your phone but tell yourself you can cope. You don’t need to immediately not use it in a panic attack, but you can do small steps to train yourself to tolerate discomfort/anxiety, for example: stand on your own without going on your phone, don’t hold it in social situations, don’t check it every few minutes for reassurance.

Today is #worldkindnessday 🧡🧡🧡 So throw t

Today is #worldkindnessday 🧡🧡🧡 So throw that stuff around like confetti (and always remember to be kind to yourself too) 🎉🎉🎉 .
.
.
#selfcompassion #worldkindnessday2021 #positivevibes #mentalhealthmatters

How many nice things do you say to yourself vs neg

How many nice things do you say to yourself vs negative things?

I bet you’re putting yourself down many times a day. Due to perfectionism, do you find ways to criticise and berate yourself for just about anything?

That inner voice in your head might sound like a parent, teacher or ex judging you and criticising you. But the only person judging you, really, is YOU! You’re the only one inside your head! So give yourself the power and ask yourself - do I really deserve this? Do I really need to judge myself all the time?

Take the time to focus on the good things about you. You deserve to feel good about yourself. And don’t beat yourself up if you notice you’re berating yourself!! All you need to do is challenge that thought and flip it into kindness 🧡🧡🧡. .
.
#positivevibes #mondaymotivation #selfcompassion #selfesteem #mentalhealthmatters #feelgood #emotionalhealth #emotionalwellbeing

Can you relate to this? Do you feel like you’re

Can you relate to this?

Do you feel like you’re naturally a worrier, like your mind can never rest, always worrying about something?

It can often feel like we’re just one of those people who worries a lot, someone who is just an anxious person.

This then feeds into the idea about yourself that you’re just one of those nervy people in life. That you feel different to everyone else. You worry more than others, while most other people don’t get bothered.

However strong this feels, you weren’t born a worrier and like Emma, you don’t have to keep being one, just because you’ve always felt like you were. You just haven’t had the opportunity to be shown anything different.

Contact me to find out how to learn the skills to overcome anxiety and overthinking.

#thethriveprogramme #anxiety #worrying #mentalhealth #overthinking

Swipe and save for whenever you need a reminder. W

Swipe and save for whenever you need a reminder. Wishing everyone a happy Bank Holiday weekend 😌🧡

We’re super passionate about our programme. We

We’re super passionate about our programme.

We know it works and the results prove it. While we feel all kinds of awesome about this 77% - that statistic is actually a reflection of all your hard work. We see you there, yes you with the now brilliant self-esteem YOU created.

Want to improve your self-esteem too? You totally can. DM me for more info 🙌🙌🏾🙌🏿

#thethriveprogramme
#learntoloveyourlife
#selfesteem
#selfsteemboost
#selfsteembuilding

✨ Your self-esteem is not based on fact. It does

✨ Your self-esteem is not based on fact. It doesn’t reflect the reality of how good, nice, loveable, attractive or clever you are✨
 It can feel like your self-esteem is a fixed thing which you have no control over - something which is objectively based on real life.

Your self-esteem is actually a belief you hold about yourself, and without realising, we look for evidence in our daily lives to support our beliefs. Many people have a low opinion of themselves, and look for evidence to validate this negative belief.

For example, instead of looking in the mirror and seeing the likeable person that everyone else sees you as, you look in the mirror and criticise all the flaws you think you have, making yourself feel rubbish and draining your self-esteem ‘battery’ in the process. But this is all a belief, none of it is rooted in fact.

The Thrive Programme, has a whole section dedicated to building your self-esteem. You are powerful when you have high self-esteem because you know your own worth and aren’t phased by opinions of other people - you’ve probably come across some people like that in life - but the good thing is anyone can be like this and achieve high self-esteem ✨. .
#selfesteem #selfcompassion #selfconfidence #loveyourlife❤️ #mentalhealth

Your focus for this week (and beyond!) 🧡 Be eve

Your focus for this week (and beyond!) 🧡 Be every bit as thoughtful, respectful and caring to yourself as you are to others 🧡 .
#loveyourlife #selfcompassion #selfesteem #mentalhealth

Time to start caring a little more about yourself

Time to start caring a little more about yourself 🥰 #wednesdaywisdom #selfesteembuilding #selfcompassion

A supportive mid-week check-in for you 🧡 #love

A supportive mid-week check-in for you 🧡 #loveyourlife #wednesdaywisdom #mindset #mentalhealthtips

✨ Are you hypervigilant?✨ Many people with an

✨ Are you hypervigilant?✨

Many people with anxiety are hypervigilant (as are people who have emetophobia which is a severe fear of vomiting)

Do you.....

💆‍♂️ Struggle to switch off?

🛏 Have trouble sleeping, waking up at any noise?

🚨 ‘Body-scan’ and feel anxious at the slightest feeling of nausea (often caused by anxiety)?

👀 Constantly scan your surroundings?

🍝 Struggle to eat in public, monitoring people around you, your food and how you’re feeling?

👥 Pick up on and worry about other people’s reactions and what they say?

🍴Analyse food, check sell-by-dates, avoid eating at other people’s houses? (or sneakily go to their fridge/bin to check the cooking instructions and sell-by-dates!)

.... if so, it is likely that you are hypervigilant.

Hypervigilance is a state of increased alertness and extreme sensitivity to yourself and your surroundings. Research shows hypervigilant thinking is a key part of emetophobia.

When you’re always on high-alert, it means you’re living in a pretty much constant state of stress arousal.

Hypervigilant thinking can be tiring, but you’re not stuck with it for life. The Thrive Programme teaches you how you can take control of your mind and become so powerful in your mental health that hypervigilance is no longer a problem. You’ll be able to concentrate, live in the moment and properly relax.

✨ Some top tips for now though ✨

🔸 Start recognising when you’re being hypervigilant

🔸 Challenge your thoughts and give yourself perspective over the situation - ‘This is me just creating this anxiety which is making me feel sick, it’s not reality.’

🔸 Prioritise taking some time every day to do something that will help you de-stress and unwind. .
#emetophobiasupport #emetophobiarecovery #anxietyawareness

Let's pause for a moment and remind ourselves 🧡

Let's pause for a moment and remind ourselves 🧡

#TheThriveProgramme
#MentalHealth
#LoveYourLife

“We cannot predict with any kind of certainty wh

“We cannot predict with any kind of certainty what the future holds. The situation we are currently in is unknowable and largely beyond our control. However, we don’t need to control the event – we just need to control our response to the event. In other words, we need to feel able to cope.”

Head to the link in my bio to read the full blog of how to cope through uncertainty, written by my colleague James Woodworth.

Can you spot and challenge any of the following un

Can you spot and challenge any of the following unhelpful thinking styles?

😒 Negative - find faults in everything, looks for things that could go wrong, always thinks about the downside to things

😰 Worrying - mind always overactive, over analysing everything, thinking about these areas / situation’s & what could go wrong

🤔 Paranoid - possibly believing other people are talking about you, trying to manipulate you in some way or reject you. Worry about how you appear

😐 Black & White - known as ‘all or nothing’ thinking - reacting to experiences in an extreme way, one way or the other e.g. “I’m never drinking again”, “that was the nicest food I’ve ever eaten” “I cannot cope”

😲 Catastrophic - emotional blowing things out of proportion, exaggerating and dramatising the thought / experience / threat e.g “that food was absolutely horrific” “my leg was about to fall off it was that sore” “I found a spot on my leg, maybe I’ve got cancer”

😪 Learned helplessness - believing they have little control over their lives - thinking & feeling in a helpless way, even though they do have the power & control

😬 Impulsive - wanting to feel good right now. Wanting to complete an action or behaviour in order to achieve this feeling, even when you know you probably shouldn’t e.g buying clothes, smoking, cheating, over eating

😨 Perfectionism - high social anxiety, sets high standards, strongly dislike the idea of failing, low self esteem

😳 Hypervigilance - very observant within their own body and the world around them. More likely to pick up negative vibes from people around them and overanalyse them. Also, do this with any ache and pain within themselves

These unhelpful ways of thinking are developed and learned. They can cause havoc and can accelerate an individual’s symptoms.

If you have developed some unhelpful ways of thinking and you would like to change that, get in touch and arrange a free consultation online.

Are you someone who habitually acts without thinki

Are you someone who habitually acts without thinking?

Are you someone who tends to want to feel good RIGHT NOW?

When you feel upset, disappointed, vulnerable or angry do you feel that you need outside help with your emotions in the form of chocolate, shopping, alcohol or cigarettes etc, etc....?

❓Why do I act Impulsively?

Impulsive thinking is always about changing your emotions: wanting to feel better or happy, right here, right now. This want or need will drive the person to perform a particular behaviour in order to fulfil this desire.

Their focus is on feeling better right now instead of what is the best way to act, long term.

Impulsive thinkers tend to be black and white which even further obstructs their decision making because they see things in an all or nothing way.

🧐 Do I really need this donut or is this more about wanting to distract myself from feeling uncomfortable emotions?

🧐 Can I afford to spend this money?

🧐 Will smoking this cigarette/drinking the wine help me feel better, long term?

Asking yourself these questions before acting impulsively will help you gain a little perspective on your situation. Therefore, you are much more likely to make the helpful decision than making an impulsive one and regretting it later!

Also, learning helpful ways to process and manage your emotions means that you won’t look to external things (eg shopping/drinking/smoking/gambling etc) to distract you from your uncomfortable emotions.

Are you an impulsive thinker?

#TheThriveProgramme
#TheThriveProgrammeAdvent
#12DaysofTheThriveProgramme
#LoveYourLife
#Thriving
#MentalHealthAdvice

Many people feel almost permanently on-edge, worri

Many people feel almost permanently on-edge, worried, anxious and stressed. They are over-alert/hypervigilant to potential threats or dangers...

🙁 ”Why hasn’t my friend messaged me back? Is it because she doesn’t really like me?”

😳 ”Does this tummy ache mean I’m going to be sick? I can’t cope if I’m sick”

😱 ”What was that noise? I won’t be able to get back to sleep now”

🤯 “This headache must be the sign of a terminal illness”

Etc, etc .... This is the result of constant worrying along with unhelpful thinking such as catastrophic, negative, paranoid thinking. It leads to living almost all the time in a stressed state.

Constantly worrying wears us down and leads to feeling overwhelmed 😟

We often worry about the small stuff that we can actually manage leading to these worries building up and feeling huge great catastrophes in waiting 🤯

One really simple way to do this that you could start today is to make sure to prioritise some time every day to relax, switch off and do something you enjoy. When you do that, you let your body know that you’re not in immediate, imminent danger, helping you to create calm rather than panic.

Even if it is just for a few minutes, it will make a difference 😌

Even better, put it in your diary/on the calendar to make sure you prioritise it in the same way as you would an appointment or a meeting.

Also learning not to sweat the small stuff and to nip worries in the bud helps us keep perspective and reduces our stress levels.

#TheThriveProgramme
#TheThriveProgrammeAdvent
#12DaysofTheThriveProgramme
#LoveYourLife
#Thriving
#MentalHealthAdvice

If you are habitually thinking things like....

💭There’s no way I’ll enjoy my weekend now!
💭 I’m useless in the cold
💭 I'll probably hit traffic anyway, it's Friday...
💭 It's bound to last all weekend knowing my luck

.... then it sounds like you are in the habit of thinking in the negative thinking style.

(Most people can have negative thoughts from time to time - this isn’t what we’re talking about here. We’re talking about when a person’s entire outlook on life is negative.)

➖ Negative thinking gets in the way of being happy and enjoying life
➖ It is often linked to avoiding things - if you think something won’t work/will be boring/won’t be enjoyable, you are not likely to do it.
➖ It is often linked with social anxiety - if you think negatively about social situations, you are much more likely to feel anxious about them and avoid them
➖ It can detrimentally affect how people recover from difficulties and challenges
➖ It is often about protection from disappointment, failing and/or rejection
➖ It can be about believing you don’t deserve to have a good life

If you recognise yourself here and you want to change then start to notice when you are thinking negatively and ACTIVELY CHOOSE to think more positively/helpfully. This doesn’t mean pretending that everything in life is positive. But it does mean making sure that the way you are thinking about things isn’t making a difficult experience harder than it needs to be by thinking very negatively about it.

#TheThriveProgramme
#TheThriveProgrammeAdvent
#12daysofTheThriveProgramme
#MentalHealthHelpAtChristmas
#MentalHealth
#LoveYourLife
#Thriving
#MindYourLanguage
#BeNiceToYourself

Or king 👑 - this post goes out to everyone who

Or king 👑 - this post goes out to everyone who indulges in a bit of drama…

So, as the picture in this post suggests, we’re talking about making a mountain out of a molehill.

Hands up if that’s you!

🔍 It involves magnifying a perceived threat or worry so that it seems bigger and more dramatic than it really is. It is therefore pretty straightforward to see how catastrophic thinking is linked to depression, anxiety and stress (and not a lot of people know that).

Catastrophic thoughts about Christmas and the New Year would include:

💭 2021 will be a complete disaster
💭 I look hideous in this outfit
💭 My house is so messy, it’s total chaos
💭 I’ve completely blown my diet filling my face with those chocolates

Etc, etc.

Although it is damaging to think in such an over-dramatic way, it is fairly easy to change with a little effort and practice.

At home, this week, why not start to be more aware of the words you are using and whenever you notice that you are using catastrophic language, amend it and use something more appropriate. Do this consistently and you will find you will create much calmer experience for yourself 😌

#TheThriveProgramme
#TheThriveProgrammeAdvent
#12daysofTheThriveProgramme
#MentalHealthHelpAtChristmas
#MentalHealth
#LoveYourLife
#Thriving
#MindYourLanguage
#BeNiceToYourself

This is all about the brooding thinking style whic

This is all about the brooding thinking style which is characterised by frequent worrying, over-thinking and ruminating 🤯

You probably already know if you have this thinking style as you will habitually be thinking “What if....?” 💭 Imagining the worst case scenario over and over in intricate detail 💭 Analysing every single option before making a decision, sound familiar?

You may also (but not always) be quite rigid and methodical: feeling anxious without a strict routine.

➕ If you are looking for solutions, sometimes spending time thinking about a situation can be very helpful leading to creativity, new ideas and problem-solving ➕

➖ However! Spending time looking at potential problems makes them seem BIGGER and MORE unsolvable ➖

Brooding is about control: it feels helpful but it isn’t. It gives us the illusion that we are dealing with a situation when all we are doing is focusing all our attention on our problems, creating anxiety and stress 😫 🤔 We tend to brood and worry when we feel POWERLESS.

If you work on building the belief that you can influence much of your life, you will start to feel more powerful and less likely to worry about things.

Plus, have you noticed that when you are busy at work or school or with friends you don’t tend to worry? When you find yourself over-thinking, fully and actively engage with something else.

If you'd like to chat more about how to overcome issues and symptoms and learn how to Thrive, get in touch for a free consultation and don't overthink it 🧐

#TheThriveProgramme
#TheThriveProgrammeAdvent
#12daysofTheThriveProgramme
#MentalHealthHelpAtChristmas
#MentalHealth
#LoveYourLife
#Thriving

A #thrivingchristmas tip 🧠🎄 Our issues and

A #thrivingchristmas tip 🧠🎄

Our issues and difficulties can feel overwhelming sometimes but there are few instances when it's not our thinking either creating them or making them seem harder and more unsolvable.

Some people have the skills to react to the pressures of life in helpful and adaptive ways, managing their thinking and emotions well and tolerating difficult or stressful circumstances.

Other people have never been taught these critical skills and instead feel helpless and powerless, leading them to become unhappy and frustrated, believing they have no control over their lives.

Really understanding that when it comes to our thinking skills, it is so important that we develop them to be as strong, flexible and adaptable as possible to enable us to live the best possible life regardless of our circumstances.

Whilst we may face difficult circumstances that may be outside our control, by developing our thinking skills and being more flexible in our attitude we do have the power to choose how we think, feel and react to these circumstances. And that can make all the difference.

For more information please private message me 🧡

#TheThriveProgramme
#TheThriveProgrammeAdvent
#12daysofTheThriveProgramme
#MentalHealthHelpAtChristmas
#MentalHealth
#LoveYourLife
#Thriving

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